I am Sorry

I am sorry

I was not going to write you today

but I couldn't leave with you thinking

I was like her with her fears

I needed to let you know

I am a kind soul

I grew up loving all colors

I never feared skin

I drew naked women and men 

Draped with cloth

adorned with still life objects

surrounded by easels

I grew up an artist 

who was taught to draw quickly

in charcoal

Move quickly

Rapidly capture gestures

Then,

Rip the paper off

Begin again

Nothing is priceless

No art is perfection

Art is endless motion

Repeated again 

Each time you step to the easel

Each time you wake up

Each time you begin again

For every man

Every day

Every step

Is renewal

Not priceless

Not prized

As I grew up feeling sorry for the way one color treated another,

I tried desperately to rip the ideas of difference from my heart

Love everyone

Say hello to all

Be kind

It sometimes makes people love me too much, because I care

Because I try to love all souls

It makes me close up sometimes because so many people need love, 

And I can not be the one

for every man

I can not hold everyone's hand

I have to hold my own

I as alone as the dark man on the subway

I have no privilege

I have pain in the essence of guilt

The sad, sick feeling of disgust for the state of our country

Nothing is right

Even the music haunts me

Emanating from a music box that's cost continues to burden me

Unlike the records of the past

Grooves that had endless charges

And no extra cost

We offer people exciting means to enjoy life inside a box

When perhaps we need to teach them all

Every man

How to live outside the box

How to survive on a room

Paper and pen

Nature's sound waves

Human voices

I am sorry

Part of a Creative Writing Project: Letters to Geographer 2015-2016