My biggest heroes are not necessarily artists, but people that have found motivation and inspiration in spite of enormous obstacles or loss. Christopher Reeve, Hellen Keller... Read "Psychology in Context, Voices and Perspectives" ISBN 0-395-95962-4. One of the best books of the many I read in the RN program at College of Marin.
I was always drawing from a young age, attended art schools, and worked as a computer artist... but I never really felt the "need" to paint full-time until my late 30's. I am a survivor of divorce, having lost my best friend and
creative soul mate in life after 10 years. I still have not recovered from this loss, almost nine years later, and at this point in time, I truly believe there is a part of me that never will heal. My friends are still perplexed as to why I can't seem to rid my mind of this person after so long, after I have gained so much in my own life; a family, children, a successful art career. My goal is to overcome this loss with the grace and dignity of my heroes, but to truly overcome loss, we must express ourselves and share what we learn. Bottling pain and grief up inside is not a way to get over loss, but when no one wants to hear you anymore, you can turn to art or other ways of communication that are interpretive and not as direct. Recently, the BA Photographers Collective, Berkeley, had a
show exploring differenct aspects of loss.
As an emotional, visual artist, I believe it is hard for me to forget past moments of happiness because I recall them with perfect recollection of color, texture, scents and sound. I will never be able to let go of so many incredible memories, and it is painfully hard to give those up to someone else. Having said all this, I do believe "being emotional" and feeling so deeply is often why artists are so creative and can express so much in their work. I may have a gift, but it comes with a great deal of baggage I must carry around. Having lost so much I had built up and nourished in my past, I still fight the urge to give in to self-pity and express my anger... I fight the urge to mourn my past. Art helps me to move forward, and create rather than destroy and hurt myself and others; but art doesn't mask the pain I still feel almost daily from having lost my best friend.
My advice to others who ever have to face divorce is to wait longer. Go away somewhere for a year. Be still. Don't argue. Don't listen to therapists. Find another space to be still and wait. Listen to your heart. I know this is practically impossible when faced with problems in a relationship, anger and pain. We all tend to explode and hurt, rather than retreat and be quiet with our pain. Yet, after my divorce, I have never loved another in the same capacity. I keep the name Proppé because that was my friend's name, and although he is no longer with me, I have so much of his spirit in me, and so many memories of peace and kindness, beauty and truth that were given from this one soul. I became "Proppé" too, over so many years, and some friends even call me "Proppé" instead of Colleen. Of course there's also the fact that Proppé looks good on an oil painting! : )
Cartoon by GoopymartIn the year 2000, after my husband left, I fell into severe depression, eventually learning that I was
hypothyroid. Click the link to read about this devastating illness. To really understand it, I would have to say I hurt my friend by being out of control of my own behavior, and neither one of us understood why I was behaving the way I was (I so deeply loved him and never meant to hurt him). My diagonosis explained for me so many things that were really destructive in my relationship; my sleepless nights of keeping my friend awake with chatter, my almost manic behavior at times, my crying too much and for too long... I learned that this illness can truly sneak up on you and destroy your relationships and change your life forever before you even know you have anything wrong with you. With medical treatment, my whole life improved beyond my wildest dreams, and I no longer exhibit any of the symptoms I had for many years before treatment. Yet, it was too late to bring back my best friend, who to this day, I feel was scared of what he did not understand was happening to me, and I do not blame him for leaving. In hindsight, had this tragedy not happened to me, I wouldn't see all people the way I do now, and I probably wouldn't have directed my full energy into my own art.
I know divorce. I know depression. I know mental illness, and recovery. I know being single and pregnant, and fired for becoming pregnant. I know having to look for a job while pregnant. I know being invoved in a 3 year lawsuit, and winning a year's salary. I know housing discrimination in Marin while being single and pregnant. I know being rescued even when you don't want to have to be rescued. I know nursing school, and hospitals. I know twin boys and many other children with special needs. I know many, many divorced and single parents, struggling to do their best every single day. I know hundreds of artists and organic farmers, who all give me hope to keep creating and growing. I know Marin intimately, in a purely visual way that feels like true love. I know being far away from my family when I could use their help and love; I know that being away from them and growing on my own is best too. I know having to let go of two tremendous animal friends during my adult life, my running partners, my dear dogs, alone. I know raising children with a friend that is not your soul mate, but who you need and rely on, none-the-less. I know loving my sons' father in a way that is about family and care in raising children; not in the way young love blossoms, but in the way love can mean stability and protection, and just being able to get up and put your pants on each morning, and get the job done. I am very strong because I have had to go through so much "alone", after losing my friend. Had I not lost my friend, I don't feel I would have learned all that I have, and I certainly wouldn't understand all the situations I do now.
I wouldn't be the spirited woman I am today. I wouldn't have these gorgeous twins that challenge me every single day. I am not afraid of much. I do think I've seen it all, but hope there are some more surprises for me in store along the way. I don't mind being "alone" in my mind. I miss having a soul mate that I spent so much time building my adult life with, but I truly see and care about all people now, and
I believe in this art-to love all life; all hardships, all triumphs... I hope it comes through in my art and photography through the years, that I may express it all, whether good or bad, and share openly with others, with out fear. I've heard, "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted"... Well, I suppose I have reached 40 years with a hell of a lot of experience. : )
I started this "web log"(aka "blog") in January of 2007. It's been over two years now, and over 200 posts to my blog. I have helped other friends and art groups create their own art blogs, and watched each blossom and fill with enthusiasm for their own projects. In creating my own blog and teaching others, I have not just an artist's journal, but a way of life as a creative thinker, writer, teacher and friend. When I started my blog, I'd hoped it would be positive and healing, and what I found was that it was an artist's tool; a life tool. I still encourage anyone who really is serious about their art to find a way to make just one hour a day for it and use a
blog to keep you moving forward. Don't get discouraged if you have to take a week off to be with your family, or do something else that is important, but remember to come back to your web log and art, especially when you really feel like you "need" the outlet of creation. I aspire to "make every obstacle an opportunity", and I feel I am able to move forward with my painting each day because it is a way to stay positive in life, which is always filled with extreme challenges. My challenges have been many, but my art has always helped me get through it all, day by day.
With much love for all the artists and musicians in the world,
and those who have not yet discovered the beauty of the art inside them...
Colleen Proppé- 2009
"Big Red waits patiently for next Sausalito Cruise" 12" x 24" o/c
(2/2007 on Caledonia St.-1st Stage of the Tour of California -C.Proppé)
While Kate viewed a live, watercolor demonstration, I was able to do a quick sketch with some big, chalk pastels on one of the easels left out for anyone to "Have fun!" and sketch. I didn't notice too many people taking advantage of this free easel time, so I jumped right in! My little sketch was very quick, but I had fun.
Watercolor artist, Kate Peper and I were granted a month from the Juried Art selection team at the Belvedere-Tiburon Library. We will be having a show together in March 2008. Our reception will be 5-7pm on March 11, 2008. Stay tuned!
Mt. Tamalpais from the Watershed above Fairfax, CA 11" x 14" o/c
Plein Air from my old stomping grounds up in the Mt. Tam Watershed... Secret Location... if I reveal it, I'll have to kill you... sorry. Visted this evening with my oldest friend from the Bay Area, Christine Johnson, and my dogs. Quest, now 14 years old, was absolutely delighted to be back on these trails. The spot hasn't changed in seven years, once again, nature reminding me to look at "The Big Picture".
Bolinas Beach Bike Study 6" x 6" Oil Pastel, pencil and scratch removal on canvas. This tiny oil pastel study was from a day trip to Bolinas this month, and I hope to do some larger oil paintings of this scene. I love the contrast of the background, blue sky and water with the warm, foreground colors: the orange bike and pinks in the wall. This is the first study I've done in several weeks. I have just about survived 6 straight weeks of summer vacation with my sons out of school. They begin Kindergarten Monday! I am definitely excited to have more time to paint again.
The above phrase was last year's toast by speaker, Paul Hawken, to the growers, non-profits and all of those present at our county's biggest fundraising event for Marin Organic, MALT, and the Marin Farmer's Market. This year's event will take place on August 26, 2007. I am honored to be able to donate and share one of my paintings done on a Marin Organic farm for this event. As I write this today, I have also watched the mail carrier pick up my donation and letter to MALT from the percentage of my sales at the Two Bird Cafe. In January, when I started this blog, I would not have imagined being capable of either of these two, very large things for a busy mother of twins to accomplish. But the truth lies in the above quote, which I feel is so true, for all human beings... That if you keep doing good things, very small things each day, they will lead to something larger; a "way of life" that cares for and nurtures life on this earth.
"Fairfax Fresh" 16" x 20" o/c. View of Patti Elliot's Home and Organic Meyer Lemon Farm overlooking Mt. Tamalpais, Fairfax, CA. This is the second session, painting from composited images on top of my plein air work from yesterday. I am happy with the way it came together. The photo of the lemons and the rooster I used for reference were taken from my first day visiting the farm, so this is a piece that took 3 days of work to complete. My partner came up with a great quote regarding my paintings..."A Proppé is not done in a day." I think he is correct.. I usually take about 3 sessions to finish my canvases, regardless of their size.
"Fairfax Fresh Lemons" o/c 16" x 20" Plein air painting at Fairfax Fresh, a Marin Organic Farm run by Patti Elliot. I painted with Patti today, and enjoyed the views of Mt. Tam, the changing light and the dogs. I created this montage of images this evening in Photoshop, as I would like to include the lemon branches, rooster and dog in the painting. Sometimes, I do combine images in Photoshop, and then paint from these prints. It is always best to work on site, plein air, to start, so you get the best colors/contrast and natural lighting. Then, I can add details, such as the dog and lemons, from my photos in the studio back at home. This is the second painting produced from Fairfax Fresh location, and I am sure it will not be the last- It is a wonderful spot to paint, with great company too!
As an emotional, visual artist, I believe it is hard for me to forget past moments of happiness because I recall them with perfect recollection of color, texture, scents and sound. I will never be able to let go of so many incredible memories, and it is painfully hard to give those up to someone else. Having said all this, I do believe "being emotional" and feeling so deeply is often why artists are so creative and can express so much in their work. I may have a gift, but it comes with a great deal of baggage I must carry around. Having lost so much I had built up and nourished in my past, I still fight the urge to give in to self-pity and express my anger... I fight the urge to mourn my past. Art helps me to move forward, and create rather than destroy and hurt myself and others; but art doesn't mask the pain I still feel almost daily from having lost my best friend.
Cartoon by Goopymart
I wouldn't be the spirited woman I am today. I wouldn't have these gorgeous twins that challenge me every single day. I am not afraid of much. I do think I've seen it all, but hope there are some more surprises for me in store along the way. I don't mind being "alone" in my mind. I miss having a soul mate that I spent so much time building my adult life with, but I truly see and care about all people now, and I believe in this art-to love all life; all hardships, all triumphs... I hope it comes through in my art and photography through the years, that I may express it all, whether good or bad, and share openly with others, with out fear. I've heard, "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted"... Well, I suppose I have reached 40 years with a hell of a lot of experience. : )
"Lemon Tree" Plein Air at Fairfax Fresh Farm, Fairfax, CA
Session #1 today on Fairfax Fresh farm in Fairfax, CA. I am beginning a series of paintings for either the "Art on the Farm" exhibit that may take place this Fall in Pt. Reyes, or, these paintings may be donated to Taste of Marin; an evening of food and silent auctions organized by Marin Organic in August. I spent about an hour, blocking out the colors and shapes before I had to leave this peaceful Marin Organic lemon farm in the hills above Fairfax. Prior to this, I had a lovely tour of the property with Patti Elliot, who was about to harvest the trees I was painting from, and take them to Mill Valley to be used by a Gelato maker. Yum! Every where I turned, there was an extraordinary scene I could have chosen to paint: multiple views of Mt. Tam framed by Pacific Oaks, rusty red rooster and hen friends against the pale yellow hay, flowers cascading down the hillside to a birdbath, all below the yellow house and the oak tree with swings and hammock. The view from the driveway includes the GMC truck with the Fairfax Fresh logo on the side. It is surrounded by flowers and framed by oaks and lemon trees. Patti had some very nice small paintings she had done there herself, including one of the truck, and I absolutely see why- It is just an extraordinary place to paint and dwell.
This weekend has been spent gathering paint and items to paint and decoupage two birdhouses for my sons' teachers, as "end of the year"/class gifts. I had been doing some research online, and I found an article that talks about chemicals in paints and varnishes, and their effects on the birds. It says not to use bright colors, and definitely to use non-toxic paints and special sealers. Then again, maybe all this doesn't matter too much, as my Aunt in Connecticut tells me she has a bright red gourd birdhouse with high gloss finish, and the birds have moved into it for the third year running. 
The houses were painted with non-toxic, acrylic paint. I scanned in all the kids' photos and made them sepia tone in Photoshop, and reprinted them on photo paper with their names underneath. I used decoupage papers to add the imagery of sticks and leaves around the faces. The apple and the school bus are 25 cents each at Michael's Craft Supplies. It's good to take a break from oil painting once in a while and do a crafty art form that forces you to brainstorm and come up with new ideas. I am thinking of decoupaging some of my paintings onto boxes for gifts... Hmmmm....
Wedding of Raechel Shelfer & Edward Titus, June 2, 2007
"Sunset at Todd's Point" Old Greenwich, CT
I added more texture to the sky today, and highlights in the water. This is a discolored photo that was taken as it was getting dark out, so the colors are not correct.
"Sunset at the Point" Old Greenwich, CT 16" x 20"
"White's Hill from Pine Mt." 16" x 20"
"White's Hill from Pine Mt." 16" x 20"
I hiked up Pine Mt. in the Marin Watershed off Fairfax-Bolinas Road with my dogs today. I need a lighter easel... It was a good workout! There is a pine tree about 1/2 way up to the first crest of the Mt., which provides great shade for painting. It was 80 degrees today, so I couldn't have done this with out the tree! I spent about 3 1/2 hours blocking out this painting today. It is White's Hill from Pine Mt., with Loma Alta to the right, I believe...I can't seem to capture the right colors in a photo, even with natural lighting. It is fairly pastel in tone, at the moment.
You may now view the paintings and bids online, and place your bid online. I will update the bidding sheets at the Two Bird, every Monday until June 23rd. There are still more than 30 days to go. As someone said to me today, "Colleen, what if Spirit Rock goes for $500? I bet the frame cost more than that!" I have to trust in the process; with four weeks to go, a lot can happen. I am happy to see the bidding has started! Please email me if you would like me to send you a pdf file/price list for the auction. You may also bid by calling the Two Bird at (415) 488-0105, and of course by visiting the Two Bird Cafe for Breakfast, Lunch, Brunch or Dinner!
May 20, 2007
Guests at the Reception
Dianne Zellers Jazz
Colleen and Brian in front of "The Great Pt. Reyes Boat at Inverness".
Colleen with flowers from Miriam.
BJ Snyder and Colleen in front of Spirt Rock painting.
Colleen with Rita Lane.
Owner of the Two Bird, Tony, with BJ and Bob Snyder.
This ad should appear as a 4" x 4" ad in the Marin Independant Journal on Saturday morning. I hope it draws people out to the Valley to enjoy the sights, listen to some live jazz music, and maybe stay for dinner at the Two Bird Cafe.
My first solo show at the Two Bird Cafe is now up and ready to view. I had breakfast there this morning with my amazingly supportive parents, who both helped me this week; Mom with twin sitting and Dad actually learned with me how to hang paintings with fishing wire. Unfortunately, they had to fly home today and will not be here for the opening reception, but they were able to see my paintings in the "gallery", and this was wonderful. Thank you also to my partner, Brian Costello, for helping me move paintings from the Coffee Roasters, and bearing with my stress this week. I could not even attempt to do what I have done with out Brian's support. Thank you also to BJ and Bob Snyder, my patrons who discovered and supported me since my first local painting of the San Anselmo Cyclists at the Roasters in 2005. They are both wonderful and caring artists and art supporters who are always willing to listen and give advice. Thank you to Bryan Stubblefield and Ed Wall of the Marin Coffee Roasters, for always agreeing to hang my paintings over the last 2 years, and giving me a bit of graphic design work to boot! Thank you to Kate Peper, Christina Johnson and Michelle Shelfer, my oldest Marin friends and artists too, who have all been great emmotional support as I proceeded to put this show together. Thank you to Judith Selby Lang, Barbara Lawrence, Michael Feldman and Timothy Horn, who have given me art advice during this year. Thank you to Jazz Singer, Dianne Zellers, for agreeing to sing at my reception! And finally, thank you to the Two Bird Cafe for hosting my work and the upcoming reception. I look forward to seeing you all on May 19th, at 3pm!
"Black Mt. June Colors" 24" x 36"
"Black Mt. June Colors" 24" x 48"
I am working to finish this large painting to hang tomorrow afternoon. I am using "liquin" as my medium, which helps to dry the oil paint very quickly. I usually use a combination of liquin and linseed oil, but I am not using any linseed oil today, hoping this will be dry enough to get up with the other paintings tomorrow afternoon. This is a large painting, 2 feet by 4 feet, and there is still much detail to do before tomorrow.
"Black Mountain_June Colors" 24" x 48"
"The Dragon Kite" Limantour Beach, Pt. Reyes 6" x 6"
I added details today on this little 6" x 6" painting. This is the natural wood frame I have purchased for all my 6" x 6" paintings. It adds some depth and width to the tiny canvas and goes well with the yellows in both the beach scenes. Now I will move on to work on the waves and the man flying his kite on Limantour beach, below...
I added some of the figures into this little painting that I started this morning.
